Random Goings-On At 18 Months PP

February 27, 2016

I’m still here!  Really, I am.  I’ve just been lazy about blogging lately.  Mostly busy doing other things.  So I’m going to make this sort of a random post to catch you up (in no particular order)…

  1. My baby (toddler) turned a year and a half on the 21st of this month, which means that I’m still dealing with prolapse symptoms a year and half later BUT I still feel like I’m getting better.
  2. I feel it in my gut that the next 6 months will show a lot more progress.  I’m psyched about that.
  3. I keep thinking lately how it’s really true that now I’m so often dealing with symptoms that are “just” annoying, instead of one year ago when I did feel like things were falling out (that was truly disturbing and awful).
  4. I keep wondering how much of my droopy and/or bulgy tissues are really prolapse-related vs. related to how my perineal tissues healed up after being a) stretched out by a baby who took f-o-r-e-v-e-r to come out, b) cut by an episiotomy, c) stitched back together (in the stretched out position keep in mind!), and d) slowly shortening and toning up again.
  5. It used to be that I’d start my day feeling the “best” right out of bed in the morning (even if the best wasn’t so great).  Now it seems like right out of bed in the morning isn’t the best time.  I feel better after I’ve been up a while.
  6. I’m getting better at “adjusting” my pelvic organs into a better position.  I have a technique that works for me.
  7. Chest Up is key!  When I stand back up after bending down for something, I do a hard and quick Chest Up! and can feel a difference.
  8. I think I’m getting my symptoms of bulginess primarily from a) my urethra, which I believe is dropped a bit, and b) a section of lumpy tissue from my episiotomy healing posteriorly that is likely being further pressed on by a mild rectocele.
  9. OH– and my menstrual cycles are all out of whack at the moment.  After getting used to a fairly predictable ~25 day cycle for many months (with an increasingly predictable and cyclical prolapse symptom pattern), I’m now still waiting for my period at day 34, while last month I got a period at day 21.
  10. I can only be pregnant if my husband’s vasectomy failed, by the way.  (Please, no!)
  11. With the goofy menstrual cycle this month, I seem to be feeling like I’ve had the “fertile” cervical mucus forever and ever without end.  Is my body doing a big ramp-up in its fertility before the big crash of menopause?  Who knows.
  12. Skiing is still going good!  Telemark skiing is the best.  I skied today and it was awesome!
  13. Today I thought this:  I’M in charge of making my mood be completely *unaffected* by the pesky sensations that continue on a daily basis.  I was skiing along in peace as I thought this.  My mood shall remain positive.
  14. I need to keep working on getting in my raspberry leaf tea and my gotu kola tea daily.  I do think they help.  For some reason, though, it’s a chore for me to fix something so simple.
  15. I need to keep repeating in my head “I am healed” as I fall asleep at night (I’ve gotten out of the habit).  I manifest that.
  16. It occurred to me recently that it’s finally (mercifully) starting to feel like my childbirth trauma is going more and more into the PAST rather than staying fresh and recent in practically the present.  Thank goodness!
  17. The second year of healing is way better than the first, yes indeed!
  18. It’s really hard on me physically when I have to bend down and pick up a toddler who occasionally fights me by turning into a flaccid noodle.  I hate that!
  19. The more I do the Whole Woman Posture, the better I get at fine tuning it.  It’s really something that you have to do for many months (at least for me) in order to get good at it.
  20. I’m still a work in progress.   I tell my toddler to be patient with himself so I must be patient with myself.
  21. I will continue to blog whenever I feel like it.  As much as possible!  Until next time…
  22. Feedback from you, my blog readers…what’s helping to heal you?  How are you doing?  Share with me…

I am healed.

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Abdominal Symptoms

February 2, 2016

Just a quick post to mention that lately it’s my lower abdominal area that is giving me my most annoying prolapse symptoms.  That’s a switch!  Before, it was (very!) clearly my perineum that was the source of all my discomfort.  The feelings of pressure/irritation/bulginess were always DOWN THERE.

But these days, I’m enjoying spans of time when I do feel significantly more “closed” and “lifted.”  It definitely doesn’t feel like anything is falling out or on the verge of doing so.  That gives me peace, right there!

However– I’m trying to figure out these abdominal symptoms that I’m having.  It seems like they are due to my prolapse issues, but yet they are mysterious…

I am due for my yearly “well check-up” with my doctor.  I think I’ll schedule that visit soon.

This is what I’m feeling:

  • a heightened “awareness” of what’s going on in my lower abdomen
  • sometimes it seems like the area is more bloated than it was before
  • sometimes I wonder if my intestines moved into a different place when I was pregnant…and they didn’t go back to their old location
  • the feeling in my abdomen is hard to describe but feels like a mild buzzing or a subtle internal irritation or possibly the mildest cramp
  • the slight discomfort is accompanied by an internal feeling of “lack of support.”  I notice the lack of support in general, but it’s definitely a lot worse if I attempt to carry any loads in front of me (just one example).
  • my abdominal muscles seem to be more “stretched out” because I no longer suck in my tummy and I don’t do ab work.  I’m not talking about the skin, but the muscles.
  • I feel like it’s my bladder that is the source of these new symptoms

I am still physically healing.  That much is true.  My body is taking its own pace with that.  I’m sitting back (but not literally) and giving my body its own time.  Slow and steady.

I want to have this checked out (only to rule out anything serious) but I do suspect that I’m just getting some extra sensory input from my organs’ gradual shift back to normalcy.  Time will tell!

And so I notice my belly/bladder more than I want to.  I look forward to the day when I don’t notice, notice, notice sensations all the time.  That will be nice when I have that (healthy) lack of feeling.

I am healed.

 

A Better Telemark Skier

January 18, 2016

Like almost all weekends during winter, this weekend we skied both days.  It’s been a great snow year for the Pacific NW, so this year I’ve been skiing on more than just smooth groomed runs.

The last 2 years weren’t the best years for snowfall, but that worked out great for me because 2 years ago I was skiing ever so carefully while pregnant (well into the 2nd trimester) and last year I was skiing ever so carefully during my 4th through 7th months being post-partum.

Last year, my husband and I took turns in the lodge with baby in the car seat carrier.  That meant that I only did about 4-5 runs each day of the weekend.  Last year, I felt grateful for being able to do any amount of skiing and I physically wasn’t up for doing much more.

Now…this year…

I have to admit that I had some downer moments this weekend.  I usually hold my positive attitude and work with that, try to build on that.  But sometimes I just get bummed out.

This weekend I got down because I just want to be able to ski and hike and pole plant and side step and bend down and carry my gear and FUNCTION like I used to.  I’m sick of having to watch every move I make.  I’m sick of having to think about whether what I’m doing is going to make me feel worse. or not.  I’m sick of having to modify what I do.  I’m just F@&#ing tired of it.

I just want to be more of the hard charging athlete/skier that I used to be.  {{Cry, cry, cry}}

Which brings me to the “good news” part of this post.  I’m in the process of becoming a better Telemark skier, thanks to my prolapse symptoms.  Seriously!  And that IS a good thing.  It’s the good thing that I’m holding onto right now.

I feel quite excellent in the tele turn, as I’ve mentioned recently.  I do want to LIVE in the tele turn at all times when I’m on skis.  However– in order to do that, I need to improve my skiing.  I.e. I need to get back to my pre-pregnancy skiing skill level.  I need to stop being lazy when my legs get a little tired (which means I revert back to the alpine turn).  I need to get over feeling timid and I need to stop skiing overly cautious.  It makes things worse, not better!

So this weekend, I worked on doing as many tele turns as possible.  When my legs got to burning on a run, I didn’t switch to alpine turns and keep going.  I stopped and rested and then continued on in the tele.

When I encountered bumpier, deeper terrain, I started adopting my old “Spank it or be spanked” attitude (which is a line from a classic instructional ski video that we have, “Beyond The Groomed”).  Getting my weight slightly forward helped noticeably.

The more I Telemark ski the more at peace I feel on skis.  Thank goodness for that.  I’d hate to feel worse doing tele turns rather than better!  I shall focus on the positive.

I am healed.

Cramps?

January 13, 2016

Here’s yet another observation about my monthly cycles.

I’ve mentioned before that I have increased “symptoms” leading up to ovulation.  I used to feel like those symptoms were a slight worsening of my “prolapse symptoms”…i.e. pressure (that’s been the dominant sensation).

However, last month and especially this month I’ve definitely come to the realization that I’m not really feeling a bit more uncomfortable because of my “prolapse symptoms.”

(Right now it’s cycle day 9 and my fertile days this month are ~9-13 with ovulation expected at day 13.)

At this very moment, I’m almost feeling some old familiar sensations…kind of like abdominal cramping.  Mild, but noticeable.  I haven’t had period cramps in my abdomen since before I was pregnant.  Even in the year-ish before I got pregnant my cramps were super mild to non-existent.  But that’s sort of how it feels right now.

I also definitely have that swollen feeling like I described in a previous post.  But it’s what I’m calling “period pain” that is the NEW thing.  It’s interesting.

It’s a reminder to myself that things are still changing for me.  My body is still changing.  It’s not a worsening of my prolapse symptoms at all.  That gives me peace.

Who knows when I’ll enter into peri-menopause, also.  That’ll be another something new.  I am 44 years old, after all.

Keep this progress marching forward!

I am healed.

No More Exaggerating

January 11, 2016

I think I’m really good at maintaining my lumbar curve…

TOO good.

I feel a little paranoid about putting my pelvis into any degree of pelvic posterior tilt, honestly.  Therefore, I think my standing and walking posture both still have room for improvement.

Sometimes it seems like my posture is not natural, because I’m exaggerating my lumbar curve too much.  If I stand in front of a mirror to check out my side view, I can see the difference when I exaggerate vs when I keep a nice, non-forced lumbar curve vs when I enter into the territory of (posterior) pelvic tilting (I go there verrrrry briefly).

One of my dominant prolapse symptoms lately is a mild feeling of “pulling.”  Sometimes I think I adopt the more forced lumbar curve position because I’m trying to lessen that sensation.  However, for some reason my instincts are telling me that I’m going to see more progress if I settle into a slightly less fully-anteriorly-tilted pelvic posture.

I really think I need to improve my standing posture and improve my walking posture.  It’s going to take focus because I’ve developed strong new habits in the past few months since I found the Whole Woman approach.

I’m looking forward to moving away from the extreme position.  I need to not fear backing off from “max curve” just a little bit.  I need to trust!

I don’t know why I think this, but I feel in my gut that I’m onto something.  I can’t fully explain it, but I’m getting a peaceful feeling (Peaceful, Easy Feeling…ahh…The Eagles!)  This subtle adjustment that I’m starting to make shall further MOLD my pelvic organs into their proper alignment.

I am healed.