December 31, 2015
It’s just a couple hours before midnight and it seems appropriate to do a post summarizing my progress with healing my prolapse symptoms this year. I’m going to make this list quick, so I’ll jot things down in no particular order. As I think of things to write, I’m going to picture myself a year ago compared to now…
- I’ve physically come a long way, although I have more healing to do.
- I used to feel like things were FALLING OUT (even when they technically weren’t), but now it doesn’t feel like that.
- I used to be afraid that my condition would get worse, and now I don’t live in fear (thanks to following the Whole Woman approach to prolapse management).
- I used to stubbornly try to exercise the way I did before I was pregnant, but now I do NOTHING that’s going to make me feel worse. I learned that it’s just not worth it!
- Before– I couldn’t even go on walks comfortably, and now I can.
- I enjoy rollerblading, skiing, biking and hiking. I’m comfortable carrying my baby on my back in the Ergo carrier.
- Having sex improves prolapse symptoms = Truth!
- The more post-partum periods I’ve had, the better I’ve felt.
- I used to cry more often about my frustrations, and now I don’t.
- I used to feel irritable about my situation more often, and now it doesn’t “get to me” too much.
- I used to be consumed with “feeling my vagina” (i.e. my prolapse symptoms) every waking moment that I’m not sitting or lying down, but now I guess I’ve gotten used to the feeling.
- Don’t get me wrong, the feeling is F@$%ing annoying, but at least it’s way better than it was.
- It helps me to focus on the positives: my situation could be a LOT worse than it is.
- I’m grateful that my bowel function is fine. Other women have a lot of problems with elimination due to rectocele. I wonder if I really have a rectocele.
- I’m grateful that my urinary function is fine. I’m grateful that I don’t have problems with incontinence or urinary tract infections.
- My anterior bulge has gotten better and I think my current symptoms are from maybe a urethrocele more so than a cystocele.
- It’s so hard to tell “what’s causing what” symptom “down there,” but it’s all gotten better this year.
- I used to feel like I needed to manually and visually “check” myself on a daily basis, and now it’s not a daily habit.
- I’m hopeful that I’ll continue to heal because I’ve heard other women report that healing continued 2-3 years post-partum.
- As more time goes on, I take comfort knowing that there’s a monthly cycle to my symptoms, with lots of predictability there.
- There’s NO way that I could have worked at 6 or 9 months post-partum, but now I’m doing just fine working ~2 days per week (as long as I’m careful and deliberate about how I do my job.)
- I’ve learned that my body can be lean with my healthy vegan diet alone. I don’t need to exercise like crazy.
- It’s been liberating to fully “let go” of my former quest for body perfection.
- My posture has improved a ton by doing the Whole Woman posture. I believe I am taller!
- When I maintain my lumbar curve and avoid tucking in my pelvis, my butt looks better than when I used to “suck and tuck.”
- I may have to accept that my childbirth experience will always be a source of lingering trauma for me. If not, I still have more emotional healing to do in that department.
- It feels good to distance myself from all Facebook groups about pregnancy and childbirth.
- The thing that the Whole Woman approach has given me is a big degree of CONTROL. I feel confident that I’m in charge of my healing.
- I’m grateful that I’m a positive person. I want to heal, therefore I WILL heal.
- Healing is not a linear process.
- Healing is a physical, emotional, and spiritual process.
- The more I look for peace, the more I find it.
Well I guess that’s it for now. And now there’s less than an hour to go before 2016 starts (Pacific Standard Time). Perhaps I’ll do a post soon about my goals for the next year. For now, I’ll start with this one: keep blogging. And this one:
I am healed.