Progress I’ve Made in 2015

December 31, 2015

It’s just a couple hours before midnight and it seems appropriate to do a post summarizing my progress with healing my prolapse symptoms this year.  I’m going to make this list quick, so I’ll jot things down in no particular order.  As I think of things to write, I’m going to picture myself a year ago compared to now…

1. I’ve physically come a long way, although I have more healing to do.
2. I used to feel like things were FALLING OUT (even when they technically weren’t), but now it doesn’t feel like that.
3. I used to be afraid that my condition would get worse, and now I don’t live in fear (thanks to following the Whole Woman approach to prolapse management).
4. I used to stubbornly try to exercise the way I did before I was pregnant, but now I do NOTHING that’s going to make me feel worse.  I learned that it’s just not worth it!
5. Before– I couldn’t even go on walks comfortably, and now I can.
6. I enjoy rollerblading, skiing, biking and hiking.  I’m comfortable carrying my baby on my back in the Ergo carrier.
7. Having sex improves prolapse symptoms = Truth!
8. The more post-partum periods I’ve had, the better I’ve felt.
9. I used to cry more often about my frustrations, and now I don’t.
10. I used to feel irritable about my situation more often, and now it doesn’t “get to me” too much.
11. I used to be consumed with “feeling my vagina” (i.e. my prolapse symptoms) every waking moment that I’m not sitting or lying down, but now I guess I’ve gotten used to the feeling.
12. Don’t get me wrong, the feeling is F@$%ing annoying, but at least it’s way better than it was.
13. It helps me to focus on the positives:  my situation could be a LOT worse than it is.
14. I’m grateful that my bowel function is fine.  Other women have a lot of problems with elimination due to rectocele.  I wonder if I really have a rectocele.
15. I’m grateful that my urinary function is fine.  I’m grateful that I don’t have problems with incontinence or urinary tract infections.
16. My anterior bulge has gotten better and I think my current symptoms are from maybe a urethrocele more so than a cystocele.
17. It’s so hard to tell “what’s causing what” symptom “down there,” but it’s all gotten better this year.
18. I used to feel like I needed to manually and visually “check” myself on a daily basis, and now it’s not a daily habit.
19. I’m hopeful that I’ll continue to heal because I’ve heard other women report that healing continued 2-3 years post-partum.
20. As more time goes on, I take comfort knowing that there’s a monthly cycle to my symptoms, with lots of predictability there.
21. There’s NO way that I could have worked at 6 or 9 months post-partum, but now I’m doing just fine working ~2 days per week (as long as I’m careful and deliberate about how I do my job.)
22. I’ve learned that my body can be lean with my healthy vegan diet alone.  I don’t need to exercise like crazy.
23. It’s been liberating to fully “let go” of my former quest for body perfection.
24. My posture has improved a ton by doing the Whole Woman posture.  I believe I am taller!
25. When I maintain my lumbar curve and avoid tucking in my pelvis, my butt looks better than when I used to “suck and tuck.”
26. I may have to accept that my childbirth experience will always be a source of lingering trauma for me.  If not, I still have more emotional healing to do in that department.
27. It feels good to distance myself from all Facebook groups about pregnancy and childbirth.
28. The thing that the Whole Woman approach has given me is a big degree of CONTROL. I feel confident that I’m in charge of my healing.
29. I’m grateful that I’m a positive person.  I want to heal, therefore I WILL heal.
30. Healing is not a linear process.
31. Healing is a physical, emotional, and spiritual process.
32. The more I look for peace, the more I find it.

Well I guess that’s it for now.  And now there’s less than an hour to go before 2016 starts (Pacific Standard Time).  Perhaps I’ll do a post soon about my goals for the next year.  For now, I’ll start with this one:  keep blogging.  And this one:

I am healed.

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