Thankful

November 27, 2015

Today is the day after Thanksgiving (in the USA).  I’m thankful for so much, but I’ll mention just a few things here…

I remember last year at this time.  I was only ~3 months post-partum (PP) then, instead of 1 year plus 3 months PP now.  I’m thankful for the extra year!! I feel sooo much better physically this year than last.

It’s hard to believe that it’s already been a year since my baby’s first Thanksgiving, and it’ll soon be his second Christmas.  I thought about this a few days ago– that I’m entering this holiday season feeling so much more joyful than last year.

I love my baby at every age.  Each age– month by month– is precious for various reasons.  But it seems like each month I LIKE my boy’s age even better than the last.  On the one hand, I try to remember how tiny, immobile, and helpless he was as a newborn.  It seems like so long ago.  A part of me wants to relive that fleeting time again.

Yet, I love to see how strong, agile and secure he is as a young toddler.  It’s so awesome to see the person that he IS being revealed more and more with each passing month.  I’m thankful that my husband and I can give our child various opportunities to thrive in life.

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my husband and I will never split up (we’ve been together almost 25 years, after all!), which means that I’m thankful that our son will never have to cope with the insecurity, stress and pain of divorce.  As a family, we recently started doing “group hugs” and kisses.  During those, I exclaim, “We love each other!”

I’m thankful that time (with effort!) does help to heal the emotional wounds of a traumatic childbirth.  I observed that the days leading up to and culminating in my baby’s 1st birthday were some of the most emotionally draining for me.

Starting with one year + the day of his probable conception, all the way up to exactly one year after his birth day and birth minute, I relived my pregnancy week by week.  Which meant that I also relived my birth experience…but it didn’t stop there.  After my baby turned one, I continued to relive the pain of the post-partum time period, compounded by pelvic organ prolapse.

I’m thankful that these days I’m not thinking about those painful and stressful experiences with quite the same intensity as I did even 2-3 months ago.  It seems that I’m FINALLY getting to the point where it no longer seems like everything happened “just yesterday.”

I feel peaceful knowing that there’s still plenty of physical and emotional healing yet to be done.  It’s a fact that my “highs” do keep getting higher and– more importantly– my “lows” keep getting higher, too!  Case in point:

As I write this it’s my menstrual cycle day 12 (tomorrow is the estimated day of ovulation).  This is a time of the month that I’ve been noticing (for the past couple months) that my prolapse symptoms feel relatively worse.  Well…this time, this month, things feel less uncomfortable than they did last month.  Every month shows improvement!

I am thankful.  I am hopeful.  I am joyful.

I am healed.

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