Deals I’ve Made With Myself

November 20, 2015

Busy times!  Two days ago I had an all-day orientation at my “new” job (which was at the place I worked before I went on a 1 year (plus) long maternity leave).  Then today I worked a full day.

And…I felt super awesome both days (and yesterday).

Almost normal, in fact.  Days like these make me think that it’s really and truly possible that I might one day feel NORMAL again.  But about the deals I’ve made with myself…

Back when I wasn’t feeling nearly as well as I’m feeling today, I told myself a couple things:

1.  I agreed that I would never get nit-picky about how my body looked again (i.e. a little fat “here,” a little loose skin “there”).  I agreed that– as long as my body functions properly– then I have ALL I need and more.

Then…I agreed that I wouldn’t wait for my body to function properly (i.e. devoid of pelvic organ prolapse symptoms) in order to internalize such a feeling of COMPLETE body acceptance.

2.  I agreed that– IF I was able to function at work again– then I’d never stress about the usual things that used to get me stressed at my job.

Today I made good on that promise to myself!

In short, having to deal with something like pelvic organ prolapse helps put other things into perspective.  That’s one good thing that’s come from this experience.  Even though I didn’t think that I’d taken anything about my health for granted before, it is easy to look back on past times and see that I still wasn’t savoring “my body intacted-ness” quite enough.

So, today…even though I was challenged by work stuff…and even though I was really starting to miss my baby something fierce by mid-afternoon…I still felt…peaceful!

I felt physically great today.  And NOTHING was going to take away that happiness.  I’m so thankful for so much!

I am healed.

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