Yesterday I made a very interesting discovery while checking myself with a mirror.
First, let me back up for a second to mention a couple things. There was a time a few months ago when I was “checking” the status of my prolapses internally (by inserting a finger in my vagina) every day, in the shower. I’d also check myself visually with a mirror (while standing up) at least once, if not more than once, per day.
After a while, I decided that I needed to stop that habit. The main reason was that time after time of checking revealed that, NO, nothing was actually falling out! After a while, I was fairly confident that I’d collected enough “data” (matching up my symptoms with how “bulgy” the area was internally.)
So– I did stop the daily habit of internal checks (I now do them maybe once per week), but I still find myself pulling out the mirror daily. I need to break myself of that habit next.
HOWEVER…yesterday I made an important discovery with the mirror…
I was bending over with butt out (tailbone up) after my shower, mirror in hand, looking. I thought my belly was completely relaxed. “Things” looked just about the same as they always look (so why do I keep looking? Haha!) There were the “usual” 3 little tissue “bubbles” which don’t extend down as far as the opening. Enough said.
Next, I somehow perceived a subtle tone in my abdomen, although my belly was hanging down and I thought it was relaxed. Apparently I wasn’t completely relaxed!
The A-HA moment came when I REALLY relaxed that muscle to fully flaccid and I saw the top bubble very obviously retract inside so that it was not seen anymore. Like a turtle’s head pulling back into its shell! It was super cool to watch.
It was at that moment that I realized that even when I think I have a nicely relaxed belly, I need to do a secondary “relaxation check.” As I’ve now increased my awareness to this, I do find that I often still have more tension to release.
The MORE I relax my belly…the MORE I visualize in my mind (without needing to visualize in my mirror!) that the little turtle head is staying safely tucked WAY inside of me. That’s a peaceful thought! (Sorry turtle– I don’t want to see your face!)
I am healed.