Ups and Downs

10-13-15

Today one of my friends on Facebook posted this quote:

“Life is amazing.  And then it’s awful.  And then it’s amazing again.  And in between the amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine.  Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary.  That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life.  And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.” – LR Knost

When I read the first three sentences, I thought…

Wow, that sort of describes what it’s like dealing with the symptoms of pelvic organ prolapse.

When I feel the best–>  Life is amazing!
When I feel the worst–>  Life is awful! Life is amazing but I’m annoyed/frustrated!
When I feel better again–>  Life is amazing!

Yup, this is a road with constant ups and downs.  If I had to graph my progress on a monthly basis, it would reveal a gradually improving trend.  SLOW, but still improving.  But, just like a volatile stock market, If my graph included daily data plots, it might be more difficult to see the progress.

For example, this past weekend I had my best days (symptom-wise) to date.  Yet, today I didn’t feel the greatest.  I felt more uncomfortable, more bulgy, and when I checked myself internally, the anterior wall was more droopy.

What was the cause?

A.  I did something during Whole Woman yoga this morning.
B.  I did something during baby care this morning.
C.  I’m still getting over a cold, so I’ve been blowing my nose a lot.  I’ve also been congested so I haven’t been able to perform proper breathing (i.e. inhaling through my nose)
D.  It’s day 18 of my menstrual cycle so it has to do with rising progesterone levels or something “hormonal.”
E.  All of the above.
F.  None of the above.

Who knows!?

What I do know (from months of experience) is:

  • my “highs” are getting higher and my “lows” are getting higher, too.
  • if I feel “not as good” today, I could easily feel “pretty great” tomorrow (and vice versa).
  • there does seem to be some kind of cyclical pattern
  • the pelvic organs are always on the move
  • there are lots of variables at play
  • every day ends with a night of sleep, and sleep always helps!

It’s my goal to keep my (generally happy, generally positive) mood on an even keel regardless of what unpleasant sensations my brain receives from my perineum.

There’s a word for that (from Buddhism, I believe), and it’s EQUANIMITY.  If I can say “Life is amazing” at ALL times, then I’ll really know what peace is!  That’s a big, big challenge, but I’m trying!

I am healed.

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