Feeling Whole


When I started writing The Good & Bad of Episiotomy, this was actually the topic that I planned to write about:

I feel whole.

What that means is:  I’m so glad that I have a complete set of female reproductive organs and (apart from the episiotomy), I remain intact.  That means I have NOT had any surgery on my pelvic organs.

These days the medical profession can make it seem like elective surgical procedures big and small are all “no big deal.”  When I think about where I was ~10 months ago– when I was Googling all about pelvic organ prolapse and when I felt in a LOT worse shape than I do now– I recall pondering whether I’d need surgery at some point.

Naturally, I knew it was way premature to seriously consider such a thing.  I knew it wasn’t something to be considered for at least maybe 3-4 years post-partum.  I knew that I still had a lot of healing and a lot of non-surgical options left in front of me.  But you know– you get casual thoughts…

Well, I recently finished reading the book, “Saving the Whole Woman: Natural Alternatives to Surgery for Pelvic Organ Prolapse and Urinary Incontinence,” by Christine Ann Kent.  In the book, Christine describes exactly what happens during various surgical procedures for different forms of prolapse.

In a word, they all sound HORRIFIC.

When I read about what’s specifically done to women in the operating room it does sound a lot like mutilation.  It’s no wonder that these surgeries have such a ridiculously high failure rate.  Not only that, but many times women end up with more problems after surgery than before.

On the Whole Woman forum that I visit regularly, I’ve read posts by women describing their problems following surgery.  It makes me feel sad to know that others are going through such pain (physical/emotional).

The more I read about all the ways that things could be much, much worse for me (with or without having surgery) the better I feel about my own situation.  I feel better for myself…and then a part me feels guilty because I am the one in “the better condition.”

Thus, I feel whole.  I haven’t had any surgery.  I won’t ever have surgery.  I have all my female parts and they are working pretty darn well!

In the grand scheme of things, my problem is so mild.  I may feel a little bulgy, a little pressure, a little irritation.  That’s all it is.  None of my organs are coming out, and I’m no longer afraid of them coming out.

I’m not yet menopausal.  On any given day, I’m at whatever phase of my menstrual cycle.  It repeats and repeats just like the sun comes up every day and goes down every night.  As I’ve said before, I imagine that each completed cycle has a normalizing effect on my post-pregnancy body.

I got pregnant unexpectedly at 42!  My body is healthy and it’s amazing!  I feel whole and intact.  Right now I imagine that there’s a warm glow of energy radiating from the inside of my uterus.  The peaceful and restorative beam is infusing all the nearby tissues with health and vitality.

I am healed.



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