Feeling Anxious

09-18-15

It’s almost time for bed as I type this, and tomorrow I go back to work.  I haven’t worked since my 40th week of pregnancy.  That was in early August of last year.

Fortunately, I’m returning to work on a PRN, or as needed basis.  My plan is to work one day per week, on either Saturdays or Sundays.  That makes it easy for us, since my husband works Monday through Fridays.  No need to coordinate child care.

I’m starting work (I’m an Occupational Therapist) with a new employer, at a skilled nursing facility within 5 minutes from my home.

This weekend– for better or worse– I agreed to work both days.  You see, the manager, who is also an OTR/L, is on vacation.  I don’t plan to make a habit of committing myself to both days on weekends but I did this time.

So enough background info….

I’m really nervous.

Yeah…I’ve got general nervousness because it’ll be my first day at a new job, in a new facility, with new people, with patients I don’t know, and using a computer documentation/billing system that I don’t have experience with.

Yeah…I’ve got general nervousness because I haven’t worked in what seems like so long (although the year has also flown by).  I wonder if I’ll get started and find out that I haven’t really missed a beat.  After all, I have been working as a therapist in nursing homes for over 17 years.

Oh, and yeah…I suppose I’m a little nervous about leaving my boy for our first ~8 hour day being apart (which is closer to 9 hours once you include the short drive plus my 30 minute lunch break).  Hopefully he’ll do well with his dada (I expect him to).

HOWEVER…

The major source of my anxiety centers around going back to work while I still have my prolapse/prolapse symptoms.  I don’t want my work to cause my body to experience any setbacks.

I have real fears about working because an OTR/L’s job includes plenty of risky-for-prolapse maneuvers, like bending over beds, moving patients in/out of bed, transferring patients, and a zillion other physical movements involving loads that can be awkward and unpredictable.

Without knowing my patients yet, I have no idea what kind of demands will be placed on my pelvic organs until I go about my day.  Fortunately, I do have autonomy as a therapist, so I can factor in my own physical limitations when planning and carrying out each treatment session.

I know I’m going to need to ASK FOR HELP from the nurses/nurses aides and other therapists more often, as well.  I must not compromise myself while at work!!  Gosh– am I actually partially disabled??  Note that I didn’t mention to my new manager that I’ve been somewhat physically challenged since my baby’s birth.  I wanted to first see how things go.

To clarify– I know that I’m technically capable of performing all the physical requirements of my job.  The big question is at what cost?  Can I perform my job without making my situation worse?

I shall soon find out.  Wish me luck!  Wish my body peace!

I am healed.

 

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